Jun 29, 2012

How to do an unimpressive proposal

Your girlfriend and you have been together for several time and you find it the appropriate moment to go to the next level.
But if you're like me, a geek (in disguise), and you have a girlfriend who accepts it, but only because you control your geekness like a boss, how would you propose to her?

Let me show you the basic steps to make it happen!
Disclaimer: Works best on Valentine's Day, her birthday on your anniversary.

Step 1

You want her to be surprised, she must not have a clue you're going to propose. So the best way is to create a diversion: buy her a really cool gift! And there's no better place than this website: 
What do you think of this dress:

Won't she be unimpressed? I'm sure she would appreciate the fact you want to touch her buttons even more if you know what I mean.

Step 2

Once she's out of her temporary coma, you can start with cooking a fantastic meal.

But, let's be honest, you're not the best cook in the world. Heck, your greatest achievement is boiling eggs with a salad of leftovers. 
If this is the case, I can recommend you this book:



Success guaranteed, promise!


Step 3


Of course, you have to be well-dressed, but you if honkey bonkey time comes, you need make it easy for you (or for her!) to undress easily.
I have the perfect answer, let me introduce you: the Suitjama!



Boy, what a lucky girl!

Step 4

She might be wondering why you are acting that romantic. It's My Precious time!
You're a guy, right? Like many of us, we are there to protect our women. But (un)fortunately we cannot be next to her all day long... So how will she able to protect herself when we're not around?
Again, I have the perfect solution for you:

It's the 'Til Death Do Us Part Knuckle Duster!


I am on fire! I bet she will love it! If not... Do like Forrest and RUN!


Step 5

If, however, she completely fell in love with it, it's time to score! Let's go to the Master Bedroom and show here what you're made of! And hopefully you're not made of jelly...
But if you are, don't worry, my friend, I have the solution. And the solution is called: The ABhancer! Oh boy, you're going to score like never before!

How 'bout that? If she's unimpressed with that... well... I can understand her...

The aftermath

And after a wild night of fluids-exchanging, body-exercising and mind-blowing activities, getting up the next day isn't really easy... Except when you have Clocky next to your bed!
Clocky? Yes, Clocky!


I'm convinced running after him/her/it will get you up in a split of a second! What your face will look like, is a different story, but you will be awake, for sure!


I hope this will help you, but if it doesn't, don't blame me. Blame the internet, always blame the internet!
Even if the following happens on your wedding day:




Cheers